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One Man’s Quest to Befriend a Hedgehog (feat. Petey DeAbreu) – Shane Torres Conquers Your Fears

One Man’s Quest to Befriend a Hedgehog (feat. Petey DeAbreu) – Shane Torres Conquers Your Fears

This is Woodrow Quillson. Want to put him in the seat? Watch this. Oh. Get off of me. Hey everyone, I’m Shane Torres
and fear is a bummer that’s why I have this show. I have a feeling with a little
positive encouragement, I can help my friends
conquer their fears. This is Shane Torres Conquers
Your Fears. So, today I’m sitting around with my scared friend
Petey DeAbreu. Thanks for having me. How’re you doing, buddy?
Doing good. Yeah? You excited for this?
Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah. Petey, what’s your fear, man? Oh, I don’t like rodents
that’s not New York City rodents. I’m used to
New York City rodents. Yeah. I mean-
Anything- I think it’s the environment
you grew up in. But, then now you got other
rodents coming in to the city that they’re not
made of New Yorkians. So, when you watch a Disney
movie and they all dress- Those is cute.
They’s in the woods. There’s butterflies,
deers, Bambi’s. But, they’re … But, in the real life,
I knew a shortie that had a rabbit, just a rabbit,
running around her house. You don’t like rabbits? Nah. Any of that …
I don’t [beep] with that. One of the things we do on this
show is we create a challenge to help you face this fear. All right. Yeah.
So, we got a hedgehog today. We’re going to give it a bath,
you’re going to feed it a snack, and you’re going to
tuck it into bed. You think you can do that? They be biting? I’m pretty sure they don’t. I’m already sweating.
Nerve-racked. You’re from one of the scariest
neighborhoods in the country. I know, but I know.
I see them coming. I know what people look like. I know what’s
the elements is like. Yeah. It’s the things
that you don’t know that you’re like,
whoa, whoa, whoa. Tell me where this fear started. Where I live now in the Bronx, there was a golf course
that they opened. All the animals, they got
moved out by gentrification, woodification,
wilderness-cation. Yeah, yeah. So, now they all up in the hood. What was the first one you saw? A rabbit. Big ears and shit,
and you’re like- Nah, it’s not no big ears. That’s what I’m trying
to show you. If it was big ears,
I would’ve- So, speaking of rabbits … This is 40 pounds
of cheddar bunnies. That’s cool.
You’re fine with these? Yeah, I … with this. Come on. This is some representation. I got one. Yo, what the [beep] is that? This is Mitch. He’s got weird dandruff. Aw, that shit is [beep] gross. But, this is a city rodent. Well, I’m good
with the Bronx squirrels. They don’t come up
and ask for shit. They out there getting they own
shit on their own accord. Yeah. So, I did
a little research. This is the world’s largest
rodent from South America. It is the Capybara. It weighs
between 70 and 150 pounds. What? What’s this doing for you? That’s a rodent? Yeah.
He do got that little … Yeah, he’s got the- He got the wheezle face teeth. The teeth really a big thing
for you. This is a lucky rabbit’s foot.
Touch that for me. That’s cool. Touch it. This is some shit
you take to the meeting. Like, say this again. Imagine a fictional
non-city rodent is what we’re
going to do here. What’s the size
you would be comfortable with? Like, how big could it be? Like, invisible. What’s the sound
you’d have it make? [inaudible 00:03:10]. Do it again. [inaudible 00:03:10]. You’re scared that rodents
will run up your leg and bite your genitals? Yeah. You know the Alamo? Oh, shit. Shaney Crockett. Shaney Crockett. That’s sweet. You know, so,
say you killed a raccoon. I’m a boss man. I have somebody
else kill it for me, man. Finish this sentence.
Raccoons are … Got real hands. Admit that NYC rats
are terrifying right now. They lit. Ratatouille, hero or a villain? Villain, man.
Why? Rat. His name should be
Rat I’m Tellin. Ratatouille. Rat I’m Tellin.
He’s a tellin ass rat. Hedgehogs like warm bath water, so you’re going to
give it a little bath. You’re going to give it
a little snack. It’s grub worms, then you’re going to sing it
a little lullaby, and then you’re going to
tuck it right in here. This is Woodrow Quillson. Look, he’s sniffing because
he likes the way you smell. Nah. Let’s get him
in this little here. Aight, aight. He’s in there now. Look it.
Look, he’s already calmer. He’s already calmer. But, hold him …
What I’m supposed to do though? Get his quill. Just like
let go with the quills. Hold on. He leaving. Oh, no. Come on. He ain’t with this shit. I’m going to say
sweet things to him. Quilly. He was like merp. See get behind the tears.
See, look, man. He’s all right. Aight. He cooling. He cooling. Yeah.
He cooling. He cooling. Petey, you can put
that brush down, man. I’m going to hold him still, but I need you to
towel him off a bit. Get under. Get under. Make sure you hold him, man. He got like
a little pig face noise. You like it. His hair is like thorns. Now, we’re going to try
and feed Quillson. Aight. Let’s see what he do.
You gone put him in the seat? Watch this. Oh. Oh. Get off of me. Oh, Get off of me. Chill, son. Petey, I need you
to hold him, Petey. Aight, come on-
Come on. Come on. ‘Cause I don’t want to drop him. I’ll be like right by you. Can I put my shirt
over my hands? Sure. Aight, there we go. And, like keep him.
Don’t let him fall. Aight. Oh. Oh, shit. All right.
Now, I’m going to bring- Son is chilling.
Look how happy he is. Son is chilling with your boy. Here we go. This is better. You’re doing all right.
You’re doing all right. Where’s he going?
He’s fine. Chill, bra. That’s all you, man.
Get that, man. But, look, he’s got- He’s trying
to shake your pointer finger. It hurts a little. It hurts his feelings a little. Nah, it hurts my finger
a little, man. Where he going though? I got him. I got him. Where he going though? I don’t want him
to fall off of you. Yeah, yeah. All right. All right. Now, I’m going to hand him off
to you when you’re comfortable. All right. You’re going to bare hand it
this time. [beep] Three, two, one.
Open them up. Oh, chill out. Where you going? Petey, you’re going to-
Chill out. You’re going to need to use
your hands, man. Quilley. Chill, Quilley.
Quilley, what you doing? Quills, man, come on.
Work with us, man. Yeah, Quilley. You proud of yourself? That … man. I ain’t got my GED or nothing,
man, but this shit … This shit feel like, you know? Yeah. I do. Hedgehogs forever. Forever. I might get
a Hedgehog tattoo. Yeah. Where you putting it? Maybe like on my neck
or something. Speaking of family and friends,
that brings me to my last question.
Are we still friends? Of course, man. You kidding me? I was worried. Worried?
You just … were freaking out. I’m saying no. You broadened my life, man.
You broadened my horizons. That’s what we’re all here
to do. You feel me? I do. Well, man,
I’m very proud of you and I want you to know
that you earned this trophy. You’re now a fear conqueror. Oh, that’s love. Yo, thank you so much, man.
Throw this on the chain. Careful. It’s real gold. Real gold. Thank you guys for watching
Shane Torres Conquers Your Fears.
Goodbye, everybody.

32 thoughts on “One Man’s Quest to Befriend a Hedgehog (feat. Petey DeAbreu) – Shane Torres Conquers Your Fears”

  1. It’s still Comedy Central I don’t get it why they had to make another YouTube channel but now even sucks even more

  2. This guy doesn't make sense to me. Is he afraid of rodents or not? NYC rats and squirrels are the same as rats and squirrels everywhere.

  3. Shane tores, aka Ol’ Sampler Platter, aka syrup mountain, aka quiet burp. Love that guy, buy his album.

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